This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I think my moral compass just broke
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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