We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
