I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
