And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
