What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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