We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
