She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
