i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
