I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just googled if crying burns calories
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
