Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
