How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
