I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize