hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize