based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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