oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
