i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
