just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Randomize
