is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 607 share tweet
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
