I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
