Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
How's work?
Spinning.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
