did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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