the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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