census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
