apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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