Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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