I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
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