yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Randomize
