so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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