ya dads aren't the best wingmen
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I AM VODKA MAN
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
