you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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