Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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