someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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