Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
