They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
