our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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