First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
