Moan for me like Helen Keller
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
