the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
