Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
