i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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