I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
