why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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