i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
