So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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