He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
