Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
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