Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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