Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
