Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
