Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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