I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
