if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
