yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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