Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
