I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My liver just had a heart attack.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
