did you get engaged???
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
