We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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