Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize