i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
