I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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