if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize