plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
