Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
