OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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