there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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