does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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