You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
